Lost Human Sovereignty

The closest thing to heaven on earth these days for me; is sitting in my camping chair at night while the fireflies dance. My backyard is foreboding. It is different now at twilight hour than noon, when the sun innocently lights up every nook and cranny.

Corners are edgy in the inky blackness of it all. My arm hairs twitch as fears raise me up from my seat to listen for any unknowns: and I hear them. Yelling from the street one block over, ferocious barking two doors down. But then my neighbor’s window air conditioner unit turns on and ruins the whole damn thing. I sigh a little relieved, a little distrusting of it all.

I’m reminded of childhood memories I used to cling to for dear life in these moments. Peter Pan and Wendy were my favorite. Tinkerbell. ‘I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!’

So I’m lost always and over again to those moments in time I distracted myself from harm, from abuse, from boredom; whatever it was. Used up fairy tales that still soothe me now. Fireflies having a party and midnight ball to celebrate an aspect of living I’d expired from a long, long time ago.

We give up too easily I’m reminded. We’d rather live in panic and fear than die at all. Our fear of death as a human population is so immense, we simply have zero notion of trusting our own bodily ecosystem. One designed to help us along in this life. We believe only with seeing, faith is lost in the unseen. The magnificent unseen frequency of human intelligence, emotion and vulnerability. What are we without fear? Without only a desire to survive what is in front of us?

We have no desire to thrive it seems. Maybe one day we’ll remember that innocence counts for something.